Stay Flexible!

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This week was almost a week from hell, but not really. It was more like a week from one of the upper regions of Tartarus that the Book of Enoch describes. It was neither bad, nor good, just hectic. I hesitate to call it a bad week because I find that when we sift our experiences through the filters of bad or good, we end up with a black and white, archaic, and just plain cartoony view of reality. This week, every academic deadline came of age and threw a bat mitzvah party; I had my midterm exams, presentations, concert reports and all the other assignments which make you want to question your life philosophy.

My philosophy in life is actually pretty simple: when life hands you limes – demand vodka and make a margarita. If life wont give you vodka, slip gunpowder into your limes and throw them back at life.

Having mentioned that, aside from being put in the academic pressure cooker, I was also run through the ringer washer of relationship possibilities. Opportunities have arisen for me to break my flawless track record of blissful singlehood. I hesitate to call him a cute boy when a significant gap in age is staring at me in the face. He’s an opera singer – with a face that makes you want to believe in a few more Greek deities. You would reach out to touch him, except for the fear of being electrocuted. So instead, you stand there and play it cool. Or try. Keep trying as you sit in a little cafe swapping stories from your travels in Europe. Keep trying as he asks for your number – and you plan out the next few days of time to be spent together. Keep trying as the days pass and he tells you things about himself that confuse you.

It’s like being moments away from launching a shuttle to the moon. You can feel the fire. You can feel the exhilaration pushing you forward against the forces which have held you in the same place for so long. But you have this feeling that somewhere, in some minute place, there will be a washer missing, and that will make all the difference to the success of the expedition. I don’t believe in overriding hesitations when something just doesn’t feel quite right.

In the midst of this uncertainty, I was given one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten. Two of my best friends told me I should write novels. They were sitting there in the sunshine reading a few pages of my journal, two pretty girls giggling shamelessly, saying, “I can’t believe how well you describe an apple core, sitting between two people on a bench, then being thrown into a nearby bush by the person who didn’t eat it – this is such a page turner!”

My whole life is a page turner. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I can make plans – but I haven’t been spoiled by the luxury of having my plans work out too well. As I’m mining for gold in the day to day rubble, I am in no danger of believing that life is pre-determined. Yes, things happen for a reason – yes, but fate happens to you so that you have the opportunity to push the limits of your influence over it. Dear life, you can keep shitting on me, but I will continue to reinvent the feeble umbrella of Wile E. Coyote until I find ways to protect myself from the damage. My life is a real page turner. And while the pen is in my hand, I will write my way as close to a happy ending as is possible, but there’s nothing I can do to prevent the obstacles the protagonist must face if this is going to be a good literature. As for me, in the here and now, I’m choosing to stay flexible.

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2 responses »

  1. I believe we’ve met. I’m kidding, i know we’ve met. But after reading even a single post within your blog it is interesting to see who you are deeper down. What you’re thinking about. A blog seems incredible brave to have, as you’re sharing your feelings blatantly though the scandalous interweb. i think your philosophy on life is brilliant, and its funny because when i met you in science i had imagined you to be significantly more passive about things. But again, it is within certain things (blogs for example) that you learn about someones internal thoughts. My philosophy on life is different from yours. I once read this random post on the internet that put it into an interesting perspective that i could easily relate to.
    Basically, this professor has a jar, and he fills it with some balls (golf balls or something..) and he asks his class if the jar is full. They say yes, and he says no. The professor takes something of a smaller sort, like marbles and fills the jar up even more, and he then repeats the question “is the jar full”. Again, the class is deceived. The professor continues on and on and on with this until there seems to be absolutely no room left in the jar. He asks again, this the jar full? now, the jar can’t hold any more balls, or anything of the sort, it is (to the eye) very, very full. The class says yes yet again with the idea that they are being intelligent. He looks at the class and fills in all the nooks and crannies of the jar full of coffee. He looks at the class as they stand corrected again, he beings to explain. Every ball in this jar represents the things in life, the biggest balls represent things like family, the smaller balls represent work etc, the smaller represent food etc and so on. Finally he gets to the coffee and he says “The moral of this experiment is as simple as this. No matter how busy or stressful your life may seem, there is absolutely always room for a nice cup of coffee”.
    Now, i don’t know if i quoted any of that correct, or if i completely twisted it into a dark hole, but the point is, really, we all have different philosophies and there is really no correct answer. I just figured the sharing of my philosophy would be something of interest to you, something to pass on. I realize you spoke about alot more within your post, but the philosophy was the most interesting part. Anyway, i’m certain our paths will cross some odd day down the road. Until then, take care. – Liam Herrington

    • Good thing you specified golf balls, because my mind got a little loopy for a second.
      Good analogy – it makes me feel a little more sane as I lead a busy life. And you’re definitely right on the point about this blog being a super personal thing. At first, very very few people had the URL, but eventually I gave it to more people. It’s been an interesting experience to lay your thoughts out to the world and let them sort it out. I’ve had religious people admonish me for my increasingly liberal views and other things like that which I could have avoided by never speaking my mind, but overall it’s been a good experience to just be myself and worry a little less about what everyone thinks.
      I look forward to when our paths cross again and maybe that should happen intentionally. Stay classy, bro!

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