I only tell high quality lies…


In my stream of the university program I’m in, there’s a ratio of 9 guys to every 1 girl. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. 8:1. This is a problem (wouldn’t be such a problem if they had more hygiene). I’ve been exhausting the limits of my creativity in dealing with a guy that hasn’t stopped hitting on me. Let’s call him Dominic. Dominic is special character who could benefit greatly from the use of tact. He’s clinging, whiny, manipulative, guilt trippy, and doesn’t understand I’M NOT INTERESTED.

So, being my usual clever self, I ask him if he can handle the truth. If i should tell him what’s up and stop lying to him. I take this liberty to tell him I’m a lesbian.

IT WORKED! He’s giving me space now!!!!! Praise the third chicken of the argos trio!

With all of that aside, now I’m feeling bad about it for two reasons: a) it was a lie. B) these aren’t really joking matters. I’m feeling worse about the second than the first reason.

Anyways, it was fun. And it’s working! 😀 evil laugh..

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6 responses »

  1. As hilarious as I find this, and as often as I’ve used this excuse myself, it is still really sad that, in order to successfully reject a man’s unwanted sexual advances, you have to tell him that you only like women. The same thing happened to me when I was travelling– I was dancing with some friends and this guy would not leave me alone! It took all night for me to finally tell him that I was a lesbian and that my best friend was actually my lover. After that he left me alone. It’s frustrating that a simple “no” was not enough, though. I look forward to the day that “no” does not mean “try harder”.

  2. In regards to this post I actually found it quite funny as opposed to rude. At the beginning I did not think that the conversation with this boy would have gone in the direction that it did. However I did find his reaction to be quite amusing. When I read the title of this I was not expecting what came of this post but I actually quite enjoyed the spin that it took.

    Seeing as I am a lesbian (legitimately not just joking wise), I found this post to be quite ironic to the incidents I have dealt with in my own life. I have been in the same position many times before, and saying this from an ‘actual’ lesbian point of view, it can be greatly frustrating. I know that for you it was just a ‘lie’ to get him off your back but I don’t like to look at it in that perspective. For me, lies are not lies, they are simply “greatly exaggerating the truth”, which I find in most incidents get the job done with less people getting hurt than if you were to tell them the truth. Think of your lie in that perspective. I am sure that this boy, ‘Dominic’ would feel much worse if you were to actually tell him the truth versus your ‘high quality lie’ therefore, I do not see this lie as a downfall.

    Also seeing the things that you have told us about this boy, I don’t think telling him the truth would have made a difference. From the way that you have described him, he doesn’t seem like the kind of person that would listen to you unless you took these drastic measures. I’m not saying that lying is a good thing to do, but sometimes it is necessary. I feel that if you were to tell him the truth it would not have done anything, seeing as after all of this time he still didn’t get the message that you were not interested in him. Therefore, I see this lie as a very necessary exceptional circumstance and for that reason only I find this post to be funny and not rude. I just want you to be prepared for the consequences because even though lying does help, in that moment, the truth always comes out and you should be ready for when that does happen.

    All in all, I found your blog to be quite amusing. I have read a couple of your posts and I can tell that you have quite the wonderful sarcastic personality. This post especially caught my eye for that. I enjoyed how witty you come across in your blog, it’s very funny and reminds me so much of myself. I hope to read more soon and hear some updates on this incident!

    -Melissa F.

    • I’m glad to know this didn’t cause offense! In retrospect, I don’t think I’m ever going to use the “I’m lesbian” line to get a guy off my trail again. I’ll get a little more creative or do something else…. It ended up creating me a few problems I had to resolve because I’m in a program which is 85% guys so I had to alert the handful of girls we have that a) I’m straight, b) the guy gives me the creeps. However in the process of doing so, I found out that I wasn’t the only getting hit on by him and he just isn’t so savvy about where he puts his feet in social situations. I don’t necessarily blame him.
      I’m glad you found the humour in this!

  3. I think it was unnecessary to use the pretense of solely being attracted to women in order to get this guy to drop the issue. Sexuality expression isn’t necessarily something to be made light of, no matter how undeniably repugnant your pursuer may be. Rather, a solid public humiliation (turn him down loudly, rudely, and in front of many) would have done just as nicely. He would certainly have abandoned the pursuit had you told him off in that manner instead.

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